What has no external ears, no teeth, strong anal scent glands and can make a man succomb to the power of a woman?
The answer: A hummer like anteater- the pangolin:
Yes, this picture is real and it is alive.
And it’s a mammal if you couldn’t tell.
This African species can come in three styles: the giant, the tree, and the ground pangolin and can measure up to six feet long, depending upon the type. The animal feeds on termites which they retrieve with a tongue that’s up to 16 inches long. To put that into perspective the average length of a human tongue is about four inches.
Like the GM Hummer, the outer armoring is ridiculously heavy. A pangolin’s scales make up about 20 percent of its body weight.
Unlike the Hummer, this creature is not useless and it serves purposes that don’t include guzzling gas and making the owner look really, really, needy for attention:
Remember sonic the hedgehog? or a peel bug? That’s right the pangolin can roll itself into a ball and lash out with its razor-sharp scales. If it comes after you, watch out! Make sure you casually stroll away because it’ll kick into gear at about 3 mph. That’s if it hasn’t sprayed you with it’s anal glands first. RAWR!
Unfortunately, humans once again are making a mess of things. Apparently, its scales mixed with some tree bark can dispell evil spirits. (I’ll make sure to tell Harry Potter.) If a pangolin is buried near a man’s door a woman is said to have power over him. (That may be a better strategy for e-harmony.) They can also make rain and be eaten. Damn, this thing is useful. Oh and also, some people believe they look good as boots, jackets and bags- which out of all of these things, we can say is definitely not true.